Kill your rock'n roll

I got my t4's now...going to do my taxes next week,i hope i get alot back then i can pay back my sisters and brother.After that's all done with remind to never borrow anything from anybody or to never listen to what people have to say.If i can pay back those people and my next pay check is around 800$ i'm going to buy another 360 and call of duty 4 and nerd it up all day long.Next month should be sweet tho...my lil cuz thunder will be back in kelowna and i'll have all my bill's paid off and i can buy resident evil 5 and killzone 2 and it'll be nice and warm in kelowna finally.And i think i finally got smart and deleted hana from my facebook...she'll be mad at me but i gotta start living for myself now and quit trying to be there for everyone...i am tired of letting other people's problem's get me down.I'm not trying to be an a$$hole to everybody but sometimes i just want to lay on my couch and play videogames and not try to fix everybody's problem's.I'm so tired...might be because i woke up at 9am today and i went to visit my family today and my lil brother thought he was tough and i thought i should show him who's the big bro and wrestled him till he gave up and my other bro angus think's he's the man also...he is bigger than me and i don't know if i can take him when he get's older...i gotta start working out because i almost got my ass kicked :P and i'm still sore .And i'm not looking foward to when hana call's my cell...i wouldn't know what to tell her because i don't like talking with people over the phone and i don't really want to meet her in person anymore...should be interesting.

The good life

Finally my life is going good...can't remember the last time i could say that.Must have been when i was still working at canadian tire for my old boss.I've been thru way too much stress in the last 2 year's...i've had job's i've hated and i've argued with way too much people i've also had way more mental break down's then i've ever had before and i had my heart ripped out by my best friend and i had to watch my mom and brother's live in a car for 2 month's because they couldn't find a home and i got hooked to sleeping pill's and t3's just to make it thru the day.My mom and bro's found a place and i told them i'll never let them go thru that again,last month they almost got kicked out because they never had all the rent money...i gave them 200$ and pawned almost all my stuff just to keep them there...but now i can sleep better knowing that they're safe and warm.In the last month thing's went my way...i get friday's and saturday's off from work,i got a free computer from a former co-worker,my brother sold me his ps3 for a good price...and my lil sis is going to have a baby...i'll be an uncle :) i can't wait.I told her hekju sound's cool...but nobody want's to name their baby that lol...look's like i'll hafta get my own kid and name it that lol.

New blog

Finally a new blog...been way too long.But i just got off of work and i'm tired...so i'll blog soon.

Don't know what to think

Too much thing's to think about...i gotta find a new place to stay and i gotta get all my thing's in my head sorted out.It's hard to do...right when i think thing's are going my way something comes along and knock's me back down,i paid so much of my bill's and i still need to save up alot of money.Our landlord sold our house to people from alberta and they gave us a 30 day notice to move out,i've been trying to get back on my feet for what seem's like forever...and now i gotta deal with this bullshit.I want to fight it...but i've been fighting everything for way too long and i can't seem to win any fight's anymore...i'm just sick of fighting with people.I want to just relax and enjoy life for once,i hate it when thing's get good then turn against me.So i guess it's just going to be me and my brother that'll move out together,atleast i found one of the best roomates you can find.Me and him will go room and board with some random people untill we save up more money and find some roomates that we will know and find a better house,and i think i'll just keep on saving up my money so i can take some time off and then find out what kind of trade i really want to take then get my band to pay for it and pay for my living cost's.I really want to get some kind of trade,i just don't know what i want to do yet.I can't wait to move out with my brother...we're going to chip in to buy a car and we'll show people that we can do better than them.I would love to stay here for a little while longer so i can enjoy time with my family and friend's but i kinda doubt that will happen,all i can do is work and worry about finding a new place to stay.

[ H3KT3R ]

Hannah

Hannah hannah hannah...i don't know what to do about her,i tried everything to get you back as a friend.But i guess i'm not good enough for her...i asked you to go see Batman 2 on july 18th and you can't even set aside one day just for me.I think i won't even bother chasing you anymore...i would still be there for her....but i'm done sending e-mail's and stuff like that.I don't go around looking for young girl's like her...but they just find me.I thought she was perfect,she liked videogames and staying awake all night and drinked energy drink's...she was my vampire queen.But seem's like another girl i've met is just like her...she gives me a hug everytime i see her and tell's me we should hang out sometime and play some videogame's...i just ignored her because i alway's hope that me and hannah would be hanging out again someday.I've waited for hannah for a month and a half and all she can tell me is "soon" or "maybe" i can't live like that,i'm just going to ask that other girl if she want's to come and chill out and see what happen's from there.It's weird that my life is going so good and i still feel kinda shitty,and it's because i can't stop thinking about hannah.I've paid 800$ of my bill's in 2 week's and lost alot of fat and started to enjoy work again and i quit taking T3's again...but i still feel down when i start thinking abaout her.But like i said...i'm not going to even try talking with her again...she can send me an e-mail for once.All i can do is keep on working out and keep on making money and better myself even more...and i'm back to my old confident self again.

[ H3KT3R ]

Random thing's

I feel great again...never felt like this for a long time,now i can't let anything take me down again.I also lost 20lbs in the last 2 month's i think it's because i cut down on eating junk food and i started working out now.I lost some of my belly fat and my arm's are starting to look bigger now,and i think in about a month i'll look alot better.And i also started to finally get all my bill's paid off and i know i'll be out of debt by next month then i can move out of here and start a new life,i just want to be in a place where i can have peace and quite and be all by myself.I also quit being so cocky and let my ego go,i did that so i could get along with everybody.And work is going great...so far i never argued with anybody,and i like being the guy that doesn't know everything.It feel's like i've rebuilt myself from nothing...last month when hannah left me it felt like she took my heart and confidence and left me to die.That was the worst i've felt in a long long time and i don't even know how i still got up and looked for work and function like a normal person...i never thought anybody could strip me of my ego and confidence and almost break me.But she did...she meant that much to me.I do miss her and would like to be there for her but i want to start a better life for myself in a couple of month's and when i do start over again i don't know if i want to let anybody from my past into my new life.In the next 2 month's i want to be on my own and let all the thing's that bring me down go...i don't want to be on the computer all night like i do now and i just want to stick to myself.If hannah want's to be in my life i hope she talk's to me soon,i'm done trying to get in touch with her...i said i'm sorry and i did everything that i could do to prove it to her.If she is mad at me for deleting all of her wall post's and messages,it's only because i don't like looking at thing's that remind me of better time's...it just hurt's when i look at the past when time's were better.The next 2 month's should be interesting tho

[ H3KT3R ]

Tough times

Well it's been almost a month since i've seen hannah in person,she's only talked with me thru facebook and she say's she's doing fine.But i still feel like shit about it,i'm just the kinda guy that would do everything he can do to make it right again if i was the one that messed something up.If i messed up someone's life or said something that i shouldn't have,i alway's go back and try to make thing's right...and when i do make thing's right i feel better about it then i move on.I tried to say and do everthing i can do to make thing's right between me and hannah...but i don't think anything is good enough for her,and it bring's me down because i know there is something i can do about this but i don't know what it is yet.With most people i can just say "whatever...i tried" and walk away from it,but i do not want to just walk away from her.I've known her since we were little kid's and i want to make sure she's okay,if she tell's me face to face that she's fine and to get on with my life i'll do it.I've waited for what seem's like forever for an sign...i don't know how much longer i should wait...but i told her i'd be here forever for her.